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| Week 1 Picture |
Well, here we are. We made it. Summer has survived a whole week on this earth and Kimbre and I have survived right along with her. All in all, things have gone really well. We learned from our newborn struggles with baby Jay and settled into a routine early this time around. It hasn't been perfect, but it's gone a long way toward making this first week much more manageable than it was last time. I hope we can keep it up. It probably doesn't hurt that Summer is generally a pretty easy baby thus far. She doesn't get worked up over much, only really cries when she wants to eat, and is pretty easy to calm to when she does get upset.
Still, there's no denying that the early days with a newborn are an emotional period. This time around, much of my cathartic process involves purging the residual dread from what ended up being a birth story characterized by a flash flood of terror, book-ended by a wave of relief and happiness. Yet, even a week later, I don't know if I've had a chance to fully process everything that happened.
As I alluded to in my last post, Summer caught us off guard by coming way too early. But in the event itself, the reality of how early she came was much more pressing. When Kimbre called me the evening before Summer was born telling me her checkup was running long and that I would need to pick up Jay from his preschool, I was frustrated at the prospect of losing a few hours on a relaxing afternoon I had been looking forward to all week. However, grim looking ultrasound techs and terrified doctors quickly replaced that feeling of frustration with one of deep fear and dread. On the phone, Kimbre was in tears and I had the terrible premonition that the subsequent radio silence from the doctors on what was going on until I "got to the hospital" was due to their need to relay the devastating news in person rather than over the phone. As things escalated, I don't think either of us really had a chance to process what was going on rationally. On my way to the hospital, I was actually preparing myself for the horrific possibility that we would lose Summer before we even met her. At that point, it seemed a higher likelihood to me than a happy and healthy newborn. Luckily, the doctors were wrong and she ended up being just fine. Still, I got a taste of an alternate reality that reminded me to be thankful for how things ended up.
Honestly, how are you supposed to handle something like that? Having to bury a child you never even got a chance to get to know? From the moment I first heard her heartbeat, my destiny became tied to Summer's. To grapple with the possibility that I might lose her was unfathomable. My world was in the early stages of falling apart and I had no idea how I was going to handle it (or even if I could). I hope I never have to find out and my heart breaks for those people I know who have had to endure that nightmare. I would give up my life in an instant if it meant saving one of my kids, and I mean that in a completely literal sense.
Fortunately, Summer is okay. And I'm okay. And Kimbre is okay. And we'll all be okay. We even had our first family outing as a family of four to the carousel in Albany. It was nice.
Ignore my dark tone thus far in this post. I have no doubt in my mind that I will look back on this first week with my little family of four as one of the best of my life. I will look back on it as something I miss when the kids are all grown and my best years are behind me. For now, the future is bright, my heart is full, and I can honestly say with a straight face that I'm truly, truly, happy.
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